FEBRUARY 10, 1995 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 25

BIG TIPS

Granola-crunchy music doesn't suit this '90s lover

The Chronicle is pleased to welcome M.T. Martone to our pages. We'd also like to thank Taylor Hart for the time and effort that he put into his advice column, "From the Hart," during the time he wrote for us, and to wish him well in future endeavors.

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

This column has been conceived as a forum for your questions about life: an advice column. This means audience participation, and not just from you extroverts. I want to hear from anyone who has a problem or question that we can all voyeuristically enjoy. Far be it for me to suppose that I have all the answers, however, I do have the requisite distance from your situation, as I don't know you from Catherine Deneuve, and frankly, I'm not your friend. Who else could be more objective and truthful? Here's all you have to know for now: 1) I have no morals, 2) I've never had morels, 3) femme top.

So, enjoy, and participate by sending your queer-ies to Ms. Martone, c/o Gay People's Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, Ohio, 44101; or e-mail to ChronOhio@aol.com.

Dear Ms. Martone:

I can't believe how childish and petty this seems, but my problem is that I hate my lover's taste in music. She's about ten years older than I am, and listens to this women's music, and it's all this Central America, Public Radio, folky, kum-ba-ya crap! We do share lots of things in common, but this is driving me crazy, because she thinks it's really romantic. We'll come home from a nice movie or something, and she'll turn down the lights, and light incense (great so far), and we'll be making out, and then she says 'wait a minute' and the next thing you know, she's putting on some of this hippie "womon" music, and it totally takes the edge off my sexy feeling.

I haven't said anything to her, because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I can't help feeling personally turned off when she turns that music on. Do you think I should just ask her to kiss me in silence?

Filling Up and Spilling Over With Annoyance

Dear Cris Cross:

The generation gap isn't limited to straight culture, is it? You didn't tell me what your taste in music is, but I think a dreamy, romantic, and only slightly manipulative solution is to find some tapes to give her that you like, that she might like too.

If she's oriented toward music by women, there's tons of stuff that's a little more contemporary. Just off the top of my head, Mary Chapin-Carpenter is technically "country" but can both rock and croon, and if your gal's really open-minded to what the chicks are doin' now, there's 7 Year Bitch, L7, and PJ Harvey (harder on the ear drums, and very, very hot). Dreamy piano girl: Tori Amos. I have an antipathy to Melissa Etheridge's music, but lots of women across a broad age spectrum really like her. You could also do classic with Billie Holiday, or get in touch with your inner fag to the retrocamp poetics of Barbara Streisand. (If anyone out there has a favorite "doin' it" tune, lay it on us.)

Remember, too, that her current music probably reminds her of previous romantic times. Stake a claim to some personal aural turf, and make some of your own musicrelated memories with her. Sing her a little tune in the shower (my girly likes my special Julie Andrews medley), or leave a serenade on the answering machine: take a leap across that gap. Bon chance.

Dear Ms. Martone,

I'm feeling really sad about a friend of mine. When I moved here a few years ago to attend school, I made friends with "Dan,'

"

and he was funny and kind and liked to do the same sort of things I do; go get a beer, shoot some pool, look at the cute guys, etc.

He was single then, and I knew to expect a change when he got a lover, but he is a completely changed person. He used to be really considerate and now he never calls or even asks me how work is or anything. Worst of all, he doesn't make any time for me, and when we are together, I feel like he doesn't really want to be there-he's always looking around me, or talking about himself and not really paying attention to the conversations I try to start. We have had so much fun in the past, and I wonder if there's something I could do to get more time with him, or get him to pay attention to me again. I'm willing to work on it, but how do I get him to? Left In The Dust

Dear Abandoned For Lust,

Well, I'd say it was about time for a serious chat with our friend. Set up a time to talk, and go somewhere where there are no distracting hunks over whom to drool, and lay it out: that he's being disrespectful and hurtful, and that you miss him. I think everyone deserves a little slack when they're newly in love, or even just doin' it like a crazy dog with someone new, but being the shut-out friend gets a little nippy as the months pass.

It does require some schedule shuffling to keep old friends on the calendar, but it's worth it; strong friendships can give you a running perspective on yourself and your life as more sexually intimate relationships come and go. Even if the lover is forever, the more legs a table has, the sturdier it is. I hope your friend can understand that, and snap out of the selfish love haze.

If you don't get a satisfactory response after a try or two, you might want to evaluate how close you two actually are. It may seem extreme, but sometimes you need to "break up” with a friend. Tell him that at this point he's not providing you with your minimum required levels of respect and consideration, and that you'd like to talk with him if things change in the way he treats you, but until then, you just need to go elsewhere for the pool, beers, and conversation. Then go and hang with someone else you like, and show him or her that you know how to treat a friend. Good luck.

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